A different set of Goals for 2021

I write a diary, I have written a diary since I was a kid, some of it is not very interesting and sometimes I don’t write in it for a couple of weeks and then I come back to it. Much to my little girl’s amusement my Mum gives me a diary for Christmas each year - a very normal WHSmith day to a page A5 diary - this year was no different of course!

At the beginning of each year I write some notes reflecting on the year that is ending and some notes and goals for the year ahead. They are really not resolutions, I have never been one for New Year’s resolutions - no new year, new you stuff, it is usually a trip I want to take or a goal race I want to run or something I want to achieve. This year though I am struggling. I am struggling because reading through the notes I wrote at the beginning of 2020 I go through a whole range of emotions - anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment. This time last year we had absolutely no idea what lay ahead of us - and the notes I wrote talked of an anticipated trip to visit friends in Australia and in terms of running plans to run my 9th and 10th marathons as well as my first attempt at an ultra and a multi-stage race.

Of course none of these goals came to fruition and instead I think like most people I have spent the year teetering somewhere between being scared shitless, overwhelmed and not totally losing my shit! I have been lucky enough to keep working throughout but overnight I found myself working from home full-time, managing home schooling for three kids and doing all shopping and errands for my 89 year old Mum whilst she was required to shield. Sorry I digress but the point is that the person that sat and wrote out her goals for 2020 had absolutely no idea what was about to happen, how life as we knew it would be turned upside down and how out of control everything would feel.

I wonder what I would have written differently if I had known what 2020 had in store for us. Well in a way I know what I would have written - because it is what I will try to write this year - goals that have nothing to do with travelling to far flung places and running big city marathons - 2020 has undeniably been an extremely tough year and we are not out of the woods yet and I am under no-illusion that certainly the first part of 2021 is going to be any easier, I think we are almost certain to go back into a national lockdown in the very near future and a return to life as we knew it this time last year feels like a long way off yet. Whilst it has been an extremely difficult year there has been some good news and some good stuff has happened and I think I have learnt a fair bit about myself, my ability to cope, what is really important to me and just how long my tether really is!

So my goals this year will all be smaller process based goals aimed at supporting the person I want to be as a mum, a friend, an athlete, coach and employee. Goals that support me being able to show up as the best version of me, goals such as sleeping and eating right, taking better care of me, so that I can show up for my friends and family and support them as they support me. Smaller goals that will mean I am ready to go back after those big goals when the time is right.

So come on 2021 let’s be having you.

Much love as always xxx

Oh and one final goal - stay injury free!!!!

The Rise of the Injured Runner

Last Sunday whilst attempting to put a flatpack desk together for my darling 12yo boy I managed to put my back out – by that I mean as I reached for the next piece in the flatpack puzzle I twisted and reached awkwardly and managed to aggravate an old back injury.  Needless to say, the bloody desk lay abandoned on the floor as I crawled off to have a little cry!  Yes, I actually cried – more because I can still remember so vividly the last time I managed to do this rather than the pain.  I was working in Dubai for two weeks and endured 2 weeks of pretty much agony and no running for the best part of a month!

On Monday I managed to get an appointment with my wonderful chiropractor – she who put me back together after the Dubai incident and she who I see on a regular basis to keep everything aligned and in place.  After Dubai I started to take the whole thing more seriously, I am no spring chicken and I had been riding a wave of injury free running for a long time and the whole Dubai thing brought me back down to earth with a bump.  Since then I have been really good about rolling and stretching and managing niggles and have even been doing strength sessions twice a week the last few months and feeling really good for it.

And then this.  And I am right back where I started and my lovely chiropractor is telling me that under no circumstances can I run for two weeks.  And even then I need to ease myself back into it.  Needless to say I have spent the last few days in a bit of a funk coming to terms with the fact I won’t finish my lockdown run streak and worse still I may not be able to reach my mileage target for the year – so close but no cigar!

The first few days after aggravating my back are always spent doing everything very gingerly and slowly – sitting down very carefully, standing up very carefully, everything done with the utmost care so as not to worsen the injury.  Twice this week I was late to school to collect the little girl, I left home at the same time but was clearly walking at snail’s pace rather than my usual blistering blast past everyone pace.

This weekend I have reached the point post injury where three things happen:

1. I start to wonder if I will ever be able to run again and ponder what my life will be like without running, what will I do with all that spare time, how else will I deal with all of life’s stresses and strains.  Will I finally morph into permanently angry mum?  Anyone else become this morose when they are injured?

2. I realise my back is starting to feel a whole lot better and try running a couple of little steps whilst I am out walking the dog – just to, you know, see how it feels.  Yup I have reached that dangerous point where I am most likely to succumb to re-injuring simply because I am at the point of starting to feel a bit more normal!

3. I make all kinds of wild promises to myself – I promise never to neglect strength and conditioning work ever again if I can just get back to running normally.

I need running, it really is my headspace and I am a better person for running and taking time out of running makes me appreciate this even more.  Injuries happen and healing from injuries require time and patience but heal I will and yes I will be able to run again!  One thing is for sure the less patient I am the longer it will be before I get back to running so still not running this week I promise!

Oh and yes I would be better off if I never neglected strength and conditioning ever again!

Much love xxx

P.S. A very lovely friend came and finished putting the offending flat pack desk together much to the boy’s delight!!

"Don't wish it away, Don't look at it like it's forever..."

This coronavirus lockdown thing is still like a bloody rollercoaster isn’t it, just when we think some aspects of life look like they are taking a step nearer normal we are reminded how very far we are from normal in many other aspects. I think we have all spent a good portion of time wishing that 2020 would just leave or that we could hit reset and start the whole year over (what would we do differently if we knew then what we know now?). Passing COVID-19 test sites and advertising hoardings loudly proclaiming “Stay Alert, Control the Virus, Save lives” on my runs is enough to reduce me to tears at the side of the road, blubbing quietly to myself that I have had enough and I would like my life back now please. Invariably I realise that I am actually quite a long way from home and no one is coming to get me so after a brief pity party I wipe away the tears and run back home.

Our lives are affected daily by this once in a generation global pandemic and no doubt we will continue to feel the after effects for many years to come. And yet through it all, no matter how rubbish it has been and continues to be, life goes on, life good and bad still continues outside the rules of a pandemic, lives are shattered by events that are not affected by the virus, the terrible blast in Lebanon for example, people are still victims of brutality and violence and lives are still lost all too soon to illness and incident.

When lockdown started back in March it was really important to me for my kids not to come out the other side thinking this was the worst time of their lives, that we had made the best of it that we could and that as a family we had done our best to embrace this time together and learn from it. I asked the kids what the best thing about lockdown had been for them and they all gave very different replies:

Jack said that whilst home learning had been at times stressful he had really enjoyed the bonding time we had together during homeschooling - a mother can always trust a son to say something nice right! Abigail said she had learned new ways of dealing with difficulties in friendships - she is 14 and girls can be the worst but this time has allowed her space to grow in strength and confidence and she was able to call time on a friendship that was really no longer lifting her up. Ellie’s take was that school uniform was a waste of time - she is bonkers and let’s see how she feels about that in a couple of weeks!

I have learnt a lot over this period - I have learnt just how resilient my kids are, we can chuck all this craziness at them and with love and support and understanding they ping right back up again, their strength and determination never ceases to amaze me. I have learned to lean on my friends a little bit more instead of always trying to be the strong one - you know friends and family are life - and some friends, well they just are family aren’t they? And one thing I have really understood is that none of us give ourselves credit for how tough we really are, I may say I have had enough but always pick myself up, dig deep and move on and isn’t that a great metaphor for life, running everything - no matter how hard it is you can push yourself further and harder.

Before lockdown long runs were really stressful for me and I felt I had lost sight of what I was doing, I feel like the last couple of years has been a whirlwind of travel and training for one marathon after another and the whole thing had become a bit on the stressful side whilst managing three kids, a dog and a full time job.  Having the opportunity to run long on a Sunday with my buddy taken away from me during the early days of lockdown felt even harder and so during this time of no racing I have worked really hard to re-connect with my reasons for running, why I started running to begin with and what running means to me - I guess re-connecting with my why. With no racing there is nothing to train for and no pressure to hit every workout and for the first time I have really embraced my pace - honestly on some of these hot August days I am like a hot sweaty turtle but I have returned home with a smile on my face - it feels good to work hard and feel the sun on my face.

It has been a joy to be able to run with my buddy again as lockdown has begun to ease, and I have concentrated on enjoying every single step and every single moment in the sunshine. Last Sunday we run in one of my favourite places to run (needless to say it is as flat as a pancake although the weather system on one side of the park is often completely different to the other side!) for the first time since lockdown and that felt so good. And during that gorgeous sunny run (where I did resemble a sweaty turtle and was perfectly ok with that) we got to talking about how time is so precious and so short and even when it seems so hard there is so much to learn and so much to celebrate.

So let’s not wish it away - this is not forever ..

Much love xxx

Sport is coming back ... hurrah!!

I am at the point that I honestly celebrate every tiny bit of normal creeping back into our lives - but the truth is that even this long after lockdown started we are still extremely far from normal and in many respects life has still to resume. Over the last few weeks we have been able to do more - exercise outside more than once a day, slowly but surely non-essential shops have been able to open with strict covid secure conditions. Some children have been able to return to school and hairdressers, pubs and even theme parks are set to open in the next few days. Don’t get me started on how some of this stuff can possibly be prioritised over children returning to full time education - it is estimated that over a third of children have done NO work since schools closed before lockdown and it will be a long time before we begin to understand the effects of this extended period of home learning on those children for whom school is their safe place. (Sorry rant over - that is a whole different blog post!)

This week though I have had several small but significant causes for celebration - the first of which was Liverpool finally becoming English Premier League Champions - if you know me you will know this is such a huge deal in our house - and after a 100 day Premier League hiatus a bloody huge relief!   For my darling 12 yo football is life and Liverpool is everything and I couldn’t be happier for him - even though he has no comprehension that some of us have waited 30 years for this moment - for now we will just let him revel in the moment!  Now that they have lifted the trophy who knows he may actually be able to watch the remaining games of the season - match day nerves usually get the better of him and he prefers to follow the action on the BBC Sport website rather than watch the matches!

Honestly not only was Liverpool winning a huge cause for celebration but another signal of a bit more of a normal life creeping in - yes sport is coming back!!! We live and breath sport in our house, both watching and taking part and no sport for the last three months has left a big hole in our life. I think the boy felt it more than the girls as he has really missed the social side as well as the physical side of playing football every week. We have run, cycled, walked the dog, trampolined, played basketball and played frisbee to keep fit but we have missed racing, football matches and team practice.

But this week the boy and the big girl re-started tennis lessons - the boy declared he was worried he was rusty and a bit unfit but super excited - I honestly don’t know who was more excited me or him! Even the 14 year old who has mastered the art of looking completely unimpressed with everything looked mildly pleased and declared it was good fun! I admit I shed a small tear of joy to see them back playing with their friends. Better still the boy returns to football practice tomorrow, I know it will be different, they will play a lot of drills instead of a match to make it easier for them to observe social distancing and I am sure they will all be a bit rusty and unfit but the sheer joy of seeing them be able to train together for the first time in so long will far outweigh any awkwardness. For my part I can’t wait to catch up with all the parents!

For me I am pretty sure there will be no races this year, I have already deferred my entry for the Chicago marathon rather than wait for a decision to be made as to whether the marathon can go ahead. But for now I am just grateful to be able to get out and run some miles with my running buddy. Before we went into lockdown I was really struggling with my running mojo especially over long runs but lockdown has given me the space to refocus on why I run and realise I get to run so even if there are no races I will keep showing up and keep putting in the work because running makes me a better person. And when racing returns I will be ready.

Much love as always xx

Lockdown week #659

At least that is how it feels!!!

Yesterday I was talking to a colleague in Chicago (via Skype of course) and he was saying how he just wanted to get back to normality. I asked if he meant normal as in how life was back before anyone had ever heard of coronavirus or social distancing or lockdown or did he mean a new post-lockdown normal where anything a little bit less lockdownish felt like a win and a step towards normal. We laughed but the truth is that we are a long way from getting all the way back to life as we knew it aren’t we?

Lockdown has been hard on everyone for so many different reasons, many of my friends are furloughed or find themselves without work. I am one of the lucky ones as I am still working full-time in my IT job. We started working remotely 10 weeks ago and honestly it took some time to get used to, even Fridays stopped feeling special! We always worked from home on Friday but once I had to work from home full time Friday felt like every other day. One thing I certainly do not miss is my commute - the most frustrating futile waste of time - how it took an hour to drive 12 miles I do not know!!

The week after I started working from home the kid’s schools closed and home learning began - where do I begin with that? There have been so many ups and downs and tears (mainly mine) and just when I think I have it all worked out it all falls apart again. My three kids are different ages and all at different schools so the juggle is real! The support from the schools has been amazing, I know that it was a herculean effort to switch to online learning in such a short space of time and I know more is being asked of the schools now as they prepare for some children to return to the classroom. Unfortunately my three kids do not fall into the year groups that will be returning to school in the near future - or fortunately none of them are in critical years at school is another way of looking at it!

Honestly somedays have been a breeze juggling home working and home schooling and other days have felt like I was doing everything badly. I have trained adults all my life, teaching your 12 yo son about the chemical reaction between metals and acids or explaining the difference between past perfect and past imperfect tenses whilst doing back to back Skype meetings for work is a whole new ballgame! I was not good at Physics and Chemistry when I was at school, evidently I am still not good at Physics and Chemistry!

The thing is that no matter how hard and stressful it has been trying to keep it all together I am extremely fortunate to still be working in these crazy times and as tempting as it has been to quit, I am a self-employed single mum of three kids and I am under no illusion that it would be near on impossible to find another job right now and could be for the foreseeable future so I just need to stick with it.

Of course there have been good things to have come out of this extended lockdown - I cherish the time spent with my kids, all too soon they will have grown up and leave for university (except for the little one, she says she will never leave me!). The big girl has taken to baking every week - she started with macarons and this week we have had blondies - I think I have managed to instill in her now that a good cook cleans up after themselves - the first week I was left to deal with a mess akin to the Icelandic ash cloud!! Bless her heart she is 14 and missing her friends and finding that hard but she makes time to FaceTime my 89 year old Mum every single day. Even the boy has learnt new skills in lockdown - he is now able to tie his own ponytail - a skill that will stand him in good stead if he is blessed with daughters in years to come! If lockdown goes on for much longer he may well master plaiting his blue hair!

This week the kids are officially on half term holidays so no home schooling - hurrah as I think we all need the rest!! Looks like the English weather is at least going to play ball so a staycation in the sunny Costa del Backyard it is!!! And after that who knows what the next few weeks and months will bring?!

Much love xxx

Lockdown Week #2

“You can’t fail at this - there is no roadmap, no precedent”*

Two months ago coronavirus was something that was happening far far away in Wuhan, China and like most people I don’t think I thought it was going to affect us.  Four weeks ago social distancing and lockdown were things that were happening in other places, here, we were still going about our everyday business as normal – I remember my last run with my running buddy before social distancing measures were put in place – an unremarkable run on a beautiful sunny day – so pleased that spring seemed to be finally on it’s way after such a wet few weeks.

By the end of the following week I was working from home and my running buddy and I were running two metres apart and all we talked about was coronavirus, no sweaty hug at the end of the run.  The same weekend the boy played what turned out to be his last match of the football season – the boys elbow fived at the end of the match and I think there was a feeling amongst the parents that we wouldn’t be seeing each for a while.  The Premier League had already been suspended and grass roots football was to follow soon after.

By the end of the next week the three schools my children attend were all closed except to children of key workers and homeschooling had begun, followed closely by lockdown.

I know that lockdown is different in each country, here in the UK lockdown means you can only leave home for the four following reasons:

• Shopping for basic necessities such as food and medicine – shopping trips should be as infrequent as possible

• One form of exercise a day – this should be done alone or only with people you live with

• Any medical need or to provide care or help a vulnerable person (this includes moving children under 18 between their parents’ homes

• Travelling to and from work, but only where work absolutely cannot be done from home

We have now been in lockdown for two weeks and there have been so many ups and downs and bumps in the road along the way.  There have been more tears than I can shake a stick at (I admit I have hidden in the loo more than once and just cried)– the craziness of the situation can creep up on you and take your breath away – the life we took for granted has just disappeared almost overnight.  And I think it is that the boy has struggled with so much – there was no warning, no getting used to it, it all happened so quickly and so suddenly that the change has been totally overwhelming for him.

We have found huge positives though:

• Facetime and Zoom are the new going out – the kids have had playdates, we have done quizzes and I have even been to the theatre via Zoom! (No need for a designated driver or a dash to make the last train home!)

• We have been out to the park and played frisbee as a family every day – and the dog has wallowed in the same smelly muddy puddle every day.  We are not getting any better at frisbee but our excuses for being so poor are definitely improving

• I kind of like the queuing surreally around the Sainsburys car park with everyone at 2 metres distance – it feels like I am in a scene from Shaun of the Dead – somehow the calm sunny plane free skies make it feel even more bizarre (I am naturally an introvert so if there is some way to make everyone respect the 2 metre rule once this is all done count me in!)

• The clapping on our street on a Thursday night for the NHS and key workers is so overwhelming and bloody emotional!

We have tried hard to find something positive everyday and we try really hard to concentrate on what we can do rather than what we can’t do.  And we have found things to laugh at in amongst the craziness too.

And on that lighter note I watched “Contagion” last night – anyone else think it was a good idea to watch Hollywood’s idea of what life would be like during a global pandemic?  Nice try Hollywood but I found myself watching and saying out loud “no it is not like that!”  Please make more Tiger King – that is just so car-crash but so hilarious!

It is now Easter holidays here and I know it will feel very different to normal school holidays but we have lots of staycation activities planned.  I would love to hear how you are staying sane during the lockdown and your suggestions for keeping the kids occupied, oh and Netflix suggestions gratefully received!

Let’s all take this one day at a time and please please please #stayhome

Stay safe and much love

Jane x

*From an article by Margie Donlon

Sometimes Life just gets a bit in the way and last week was one of those weeks ....

Marathon training requires a huge amount of commitment - and I don't just mean in terms of the time involved in actually running - more like the little things that you don't consider when you commit to running a marathon - things like the fact that you will be constantly hungry and probably constantly tired.

One thing I never factor in is the fact that after a long run in the cold I hardly have the energy to hold my own head up but if our 19 month old cockerpoo hasn't been out running with me she requires a lengthy walk on my return!!  Try reasoning with a bouncy fluffball that Mummy can't walk very fast today!!  On one such occasion I bumped into a very dreamy looking chap also walking a bouncy fluffball, he attempted to strike up a conversation with me - I could hardly speak I was so tired - in my head I was actually wondering how I was going to be able to make it home.  I managed to mumble something in response, needless to say he gave me a weird look and excused himself with a "well have a great day then..." as I shuffled off (literally) in the other direction - another one bites the dust.  (It is a constant source of amazement to me that I am still single btw!)

It would be nice to be completely selfish and focus solely on marathon training - eat, sleep and recover right all the time right?  But I am a single mum of three little pickles and I work full time and my life simply isn't like that - I don't think life is like that for most people and if I am honest I don't think I would want it to be.

Last week I took my Mum to my uncle's funeral - he died right after Christmas, he was very old and suffering with dementia and had a stroke before Christmas.  Mum and I managed to visit him in hospital, he was so frail and I think it was hard for Mum to see her brother like that.  I think there are times in life when you realise you are the adult now instead of your parents and this was one of those times I guess - another was when I realised I was the designated driver whenever we went somewhere instead of my Mum!!! It was lovely to be able to reconnect with some family we hadn’t seen for ages but did serve as an all too stark reminder of how short life is.

What I am trying to say is that with the best will in the world and no matter how selfish you are about sticking to your plan and never deviating, life will get in the way and throw you some curveballs. And I think the point is that life should get in the way, marathon training requires dedication and hard work but it also requires you to be flexible and to juggle and be creative with your use of time to get it all done.  But along the way it is important to remember that you have a life outside of running and that life itself is all too short.  So no beating myself up over one missed session, just get out there and live it.

Much love xx

Back to work with a bump ...

After a fantastic couple of weeks off for Christmas and New Year it was always going to be a bit tough getting back into the school and work routine and so it was a bit of a shocker when the alarm went off at 5:45am on Monday morning and it was back to the morning routine of making packed lunches, walking the dog and attempting to get three children out of bed and ready for school.

My three are a funny lot!  Still not sure the big girl is a bona fide teenager – I mean what other teenager gets out of bed at 6:30 every morning to walk the dog with her old mum? Don’t get me wrong I am eternally grateful for these moments we spend together when no one else is up yet – and these are the moments I hold onto when we are having one more “stop answering back” conversation!!  The boy on the other hand has to be coaxed out of bed every morning to the smell of fresh pain au chocolat – you know the ones that come in a can right?!  Dreading him hitting his teenage years, I mean how am I going to coax him out of bed then?  The little girl gets up without a problem, scrapes her hair into the messiest ponytail possible, slathers Nutella over something to eat and calls herself ready!!  All this whilst the dog sits on the windowsill watching the world go by.  Every morning is the same, we have our routine and we stick to it!

And so it was on Monday as we all set off on our first day back.  I was lulled into a false sense of security on the way back to work as the traffic was surprisingly light – this has not lasted.  I heard on the radio that it takes 4 days to get back into the groove at work after the holidays so I have stuck with that mantra all week.

One of the things I have been stressing about a bit is fitting all my training into the already a little too busy family schedule.  Up till now I have just downloaded a marathon training plan from the internet and gone with that – and it has worked pretty well but training for ultras and multi-stage races is something I know nothing about so my running buddy and I decided to enlist a coach to help prepare us.  We started working with our coach at the beginning of December and I think when you are paying for coaching and accountable to someone else there is additional pressure to make the plan work and do what you are told to do.  I have
to say it has taken me some time to adjust to someone else having control over my workouts and to really trust the process.

Over Christmas I have had more time to be able to make the plan work without the time restrictions of work and school and after school activities so this week was going to test whether I could actually fit everything in.  The answer is a qualified yes to be honest – it has been a bit of a juggle and here are some things I have
learnt this week:

• After a hard tempo session on Monday night there is no point attempting to get up at 5am and run 5 comfortable miles.  I am struggling with early morning running whilst it is still so dark so waiting to run till the evening made more sense and stopped me beating myself up all day about snoozing the alarm and missing a session!

• A hard hill session on Friday made for a suffer fest of 14 miles in the wind on Saturday – ever grateful to share those miles with my running buddy, without her I may have given up a lot sooner.

• My life literally revolves around food and sleep and rolling – no joke I think I am obsessed!

• It is ok to shift the plan around a bit – when I first spoke with my coach I said there are no days I can’t run – and that is true but there are days when life gets in the way and so it should and it is ok to move workouts around to accommodate that.

So I am heading into week 2 with a bit more confidence that I am back in the work and school groove, that I can make it all fit and that I can move workouts round a little bit to make it all work.

Keep showing up, keep putting the work in and it is all about the juggle!!

Much love xx